Shinobi Grape Juice
by micah.n10
Summary: UNDER CONSTRUCTION. Rumor has it a certain chuunin-sensei was willingly molested on academy grounds by none other then Konoha's great Copy-nin. Now the pair deal with the aftermath. Pranks, bets and brain damage ensue. KakaIru/IruKaka/YAOI.
1. Grape Juice

**Title:** Shinobi Grape Juice by Micah.n10

**Genre:** Humor/Romance

**Characters:** Iruka, Kakashi, Anko (Kakashi/Iruka, Anko/Ibiki implied)

**Rating:** T

**Status:** Series of One-Shots. The stories link together but aren't exactly in order.

**Summery:** Rumor has it, a certain chuunin sensei was happily molested in his own class. Anko wants answers.

**Comments:** Stupid grape juice. I know how this feels, minus the ninjas of course.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Will return only slightly tainted.

Umino Iruka hated grape juice. It was always too sweet or too sour or too… reminding. He openly glared at the glass sitting atop his desk given as some kind of mock peace offering. The irony was not lost on him. _Stupid, stupid juice._ His glare intensified as the condensation dripped.

Beside the academy sensei sat Mitarashi Anko, his childhood friend, sometimes confidante - interrogator. She smiled in a soft placating manor which only served to frighten the chuunin sensei further. Nothing good ever came from that smile, and he should know, he was the one who taught it to her.

Her smile was gentle, warm and inviting. It held the promise of making dark corners a little brighter, shared kindness, understanding and everything else he offered his own students. Nothing about that smile gave away the kunoichi's true nature - until you saw her eyes. Iruka suppressed a shiver.

_Damnit!_ Why, why had he taught her that smile? With every bit of warmth that radiated from those gentle lips her eyes darkened threefold. One could never, even for a second, forget Anko was a predator, a kunoichi, a jounin shinobi of the highest esteem… _the_ Konoha gossip queen. No, one must never forget.

Iruka gulped.

_Stupid damn juice, stupid fake peace offering, stupid Anko - okay not stupid Anko, but damn stupid gossiping ninja village! So stupid, stupid…_he continued berating himself and the juice.

Over many years, Konoha, home to shinobi and civilians alike had survived wars and demon attacks. They suffered bloodshed, economic unbalance, structural and personal loss, monsters and traitors but through it all there was always one unwavering constant. The Grapevine. Gossip was a small light at the end of a killing tunnel that let people who thought themselves machines keep in contact, have a little hope, feel a little more human.

Gossip was something every ninja could share without the blood, without the killing. It was safe, and for the most part, harmless. This made it fair to say in a village containing some of the lands greatest shinobi, nothing ever stayed secret.

With that one bit of constant truth in mind Umino Iruka, chuunin, academy sensei and grown male sat behind his desk glaring at the damn glass of grape juice hoping _it_ and _she_ would just go _away_. Not that there was any point in making his thoughts better known to the kunoichi. Anko was, if nothing else, T&I's second favorite torturer/interrogator. What was a student weary glare compared to that?

--------------------

Leaning forward in her chair, elbow resting atop a few loose assignments, the interrogator drawled. "So…"

"So…" Iruka let his eyes momentarily flicker to meet his tormentors.

She smirked. "You catch?"

"N-NANI!" the chuunin's eyes snapped wide in horror.

"I asked," she repeated slowly, as if speaking to a particularly dense student. "If you catch? I don't peg Kakashi-_kun_ as the type to lay down and take it. Which means-"

"Anko!" Iruka chided before her sentence could end.

"Oh, come now Ruka-kun." Her eyes rolled. "If you're doing it - you can say it."

Indignantly puffing out his chest, the sensei retorted, "And w-who says I've been doing anything?" _Good,_ he thought. That almost sounded confidant.

Anko sighed. "Always the innocent sensei?"

For one short peaceful moment Iruka relaxed. Really, he should have known better.

"Or does this mean my little Ruka _nii-chan_ is seme? You dog! So, how does he like it? Do you pin him to the wall? Maybe over a table? Or the desk, ne sensei?" Her eyes gleamed with the prospect of village worthy gossip.

Iruka sat somewhat frozen, morbidly wide eyes, mind feebly attempting to will his cherry colored blush away. Staring at said desk, where not two days ago he'd been the one bent forward, writhing, keening and begging for more was not helping. His poor innocent desk, virgin no more.

Iruka felt the heat rising towards his ears. _This is _not_ happening._ He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried for calm, a very forced calm. "Anko-kun…"

"Sensei, you're blushing!" Anko practically squealed. "I bet he _begged_ to be punished, that hentai reading pervert. Ruka, I need details. Absolutely everything! To think that lazy-ass actually said-"

_Lazy-ass said something?_ Iruka's worrying curiosity piqued. _Kakashi said something? To Anko?_ Sudden dread washed away all trace of his previously growing blush. _What did he say? What the hell _could _he have said?_ Very cautiously the chuunin's eyes narrowed. "Ano, Anko-_kun… _what did Kakashi-sensei tell you?"

The kunoichi froze in her joyous spiel. Her mouth strangely chocking on any comforting words that might have come to front. Slowly, so not to aggravate the irate chuunin, she took a deep breath and swallowed dryly. Anyone who knew Umino Iruka, knew _that_ voice. It was most definitely not the commanding 'Teacher Voice' so many jounin, chuunin, genin and pre-genin feared. No, this voice was known by only a select few. Notably, Izumo, Kotetsu, Genma, Raidou and herself.

This voice hinted something worse then any teachers voice ever could. Quite calmly, Umino Iruka had said, 'tell me everything you know or risk waking up bald, pink and covered head to toe in obscene tattoos.' For the kunoichi, this would probably mean poodles, and rainbows. She shivered.

Anko's hesitation was not conducive to her hairs preservation, and a raised eyebrow told her just so. "_Now_, Anko." Iruka glared.

"Nothing, Ruka-kun." She added the pet name in a hope to remind the chuunin he loved his long time friend and really didn't wish her any harm. This of course did not work.

"Anko-_chan_, please be so kind as to tell me exactly what that hentai said? Sometime in the next few minutes would be preferred."

"Okay, sure." Anko paled. No way was she going against that voice.

Even the Third Hokage had woken up victim to the infamous Umino Revenge no Jutsu. To be specific, he'd woken to a room -roof, walls, floor, and self- covered in chicken feathers. It had happened that fateful weekend after the then genin-prankster found out it was the Hokage who had been responsible for sending him on a week long mission to a chicken farm. Supposedly 'character building'. No one knew how he'd gotten in and out undetected while the Sandaime was under the protection of two ANBU guards.

"We had a bet alright,"

Iruka's eye twitched.

"About Shiranui-san! Not - nothing else, just Shiranui and his senbon. Which I won, by the way." For a moment Anko's features took on a more whimsical approach. She grinned. "I bet him for ownership of his Icha Icha. Just for a week of course. Wouldn't want the pervert to become porn deprived after all. Some of us have missions with him."

Unlike most would believe, Iruka's patients was not unending. "And…"

"And we got to talking about those rumors of him molesting an academy sensei in front of the students." She groaned. This was not going to end well.

"Yes…" the sensei's eye twitched again. _Stupid jounin and his stupid molesting mouth._ It had taken three hours before the sensei finally scrapped classes and sent his mini-interrogators home early. There'd been another week before he'd willingly kiss said molesting mouth again - punishment he'd discovered to be a double edged sword. How _dare _that bastard be such an addictive kisser.

"Well obviously I couldn't blindly believe our little chuunin sensei had been part of something so gossip worthy," Anko continued, hoping above all else that frosty look in the chuunin's eyes wasn't specifically aimed at her. Scary. "Even when uninvited. But the hentai insisted."

Remembering their conversation Anko realized, not only had it been a surprise to hear such a story from the Copy-Nin's own lips, but another once said rumor was indeed confirmed true. Adding to her surprise was the news it probably wasn't all that uninvited. Her little _nii-chan_ had himself a lover. Anko smiled but it was ruined by the sudden frown.

--------------------

Face blank from the inner turmoil coursing through his body, Iruka watched every expression cross his childhood friends face. Sometimes she was just like him, an easy to read book. The smiles were okay, Anko was truly happy for him no matter the one-hundred-and-twelve attempts at Kakashi name calling. It was the frown he didn't like. There was something the kunoichi did not want to say which only caused an equal frown to form as his response.

"Anko-kun?"

Anko's eyes snapped back to focus on the inquisitive chuunin. Slowly, she stood and gathered the few scrolls she'd come in with. Part of being a ninja was knowing when to retreat. For all intense purposes, the safety of bodily hair for instance, Anko intended to speak then sprint. She wasn't suicidal after all - though there was that small glint in her eyes. No matter what happened, she'd get some masochistic pleasure out of this.

"He said… you were begging for it."

"NANI?"

_Time to go._ Anko moved around the desk towards the door only to run into one red-faced, foaming-mouthed sensei. She gulped.

Stalking around the wide-eyed kunoichi, switching their positions so she had no way of leaving without hurting the chuunin or bamphing away, Iruka fumed. He forgot rank and skill because it didn't matter. This was him and his friend. "I did not beg!"

"Calm down, Ruka-kun. I know. I even went so far as to tell him so. Not in front of the children, right sensei?"

Iruka growled. "What else did that bastard say?"

Anko swallowed. "Nothing."

"You sure?" Iruka took a step forward as Anko unconsciously stepped back.

"Y-yes," there was another step forward and another step back.

Iruka's eyebrow rose ever so slightly, unbelieving.

"No!" Anko meeped as her back hit the chalkboard. _He's going to _kill_ me._ She thought longingly about the last night she'd spent with Ibiki, about the spy at T&I she wouldn't get to torture, about the uneaten dango in her fridge. In the distance there was a continuous muffled tapping.

Iruka stood a little over a meter away, arms folded across his chest, foot tapping with irritation. If she survived, Anko would definitely have to suggest the teachers ability to pry information easily from his targets to T&I's Captain.

Taking what might very well be her final breath, she let the last of the Copy-Nin's words fall from her lips. "He said cute, sexy, Kami. Cute when you blush, sexy when you pout but Kami when you're underneath and begging."

The last of it said, Anko screwed her eyes shut in a very un-shinobi like fashion. She waited for the storm that was Umino Iruka. Waited for the yelling, the stammering, the indignant fury. She waited. And waited.

After two long minutes of silence the kunoichi gathered her mental will and ever so carefully peeked through thick lashes. _The hell?_ Her jaw dropped.

Standing some meters back from where she'd last seen him was one grinning, half-lidded chuunin. The scar across the bridge of his nose stood out in stark contrast to the deepening blush across his features. This, however, was all she could see of her Ruka nii-chan because plastered against the front of his torso was one silver-haired, lazy-assed, hentai loving, jounin. Said jounin's arms were snaked around Iruka's waist, his face nestled against the chuunin's neck, cloth covered lips whispering against his ear.

Hatake Kakashi had done what no man, woman or shinobi alike had ever done - pacified a bristling, emotion churning Umino Iruka. What ever the Copy-Nin's words, they were like a drug to the man.

_Well,_ Anko smirked. Her little nii-chan certainly had a lover. If only people had known this trick sooner. Maybe Kakashi would be willing to share? Unconsciously the kunoichi took a step forward. _Maybe it's one of his thous-_ her thoughts were cut off by the sudden possessive flame in Iruka's eyes. He scowled as though just remember their previous conversation.

"You," Iruka hissed as he latched onto the Copy-Nin's vest. "You told her those _things_." He pinned said Copy-Nin against the wall closest to the door. "Private things, Kashi."

Anko blinked, then blinked again. Iruka's tongue was doing a clear impression of an infiltration mission, one which the Sharingan Kakashi obviously had no problems with. _Wow._ She blinked a third time, just for good measure.

"Private," Iruka bit the jounin's bottom lip, pulling it as far as he could before Kakashi whimpered. Only then did he let go. "Do you even know what that _means_?" The latter was punctuated by a roll of the hips.

The jounin's intelligent response went something along the lines of "Uhng…"

As much as Anko was enjoying the show, -what self respecting woman wouldn't enjoy the spectacle of Konoha's two sexiest shinobi practically eating each others mouths out?- she coughed and cleared her throat. Best to remind the happy, or in Iruka's case not so happy, couple she was still there. After all, Iruka was her _nii-chan_ and watching him fornicate was just, well, odd.

Groping the jounin's backside, rolling his groin against Kakashi's and reaching up to capture already kiss swollen lips, Iruka growled. Pulling back from the keening ninja, he glanced over his shoulder, expression just as dark as when he'd begun.

Again latching onto the Copy-Nin's vest, Iruka spun their positions, forcing the other to walk backwards, legs entwined; lips, tongue and teeth all in a fierce battle for domination. After what seemed an eternity in their walking-kissing-moaning battle, the chuunin slammed Kakashi against his desk.

Anko coughed again, eyes slightly wide.

Forcefully pushing the nin from his lips, Iruka growled with a voice more male and sultry then she'd ever given him credit for. "Out, now." Then he turned back to his Copy-Nin obviously not caring whether she did or did not comply.

Slamming his hips against a gasping Kakashi, Iruka continued. "You _need_ to learn when to shut the hell up, damnit."

"Why? What do you plan on doing about it, _Sensei?_" Kakashi leered between the moans.

"Bastard." Iruka swiftly yanked the jounin's legs out from under him, slamming his body flat against the desk. Kakashi grunted, air all but gone from his lungs.

Beside them, a forgotten glass of grape juice shattered upon the floor effectively breaking the kunoichi from her stupor. Iruka fumbled for the jounin's zipper, moaning as the mans hands slipped beneath his shirt. Anko's face blushed a shade of red even she didn't know was possible before she snatched up the last of her scrolls and scampered out the classroom door. A barrage of moans falling in her wake.

Now, according to anyone in the know, shinobi did not run away unless the mission called for it. Therefore, Anko did not run. She strolled at a brisk pace. Some civilians might not have seen the blur that was her motions, but most shinobi, at least the ones that mattered, would have. So they couldn't call it a running retreat. If someone could see her moving, then she wasn't technically running. No. She was just in a hurry to go read her new scrolls. Definitely _not_ running away. At least, that was her story and she was sticking to it.

END

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I'm done. YAY! This is my first Naruto fic so please be kind, rewind. Reviews welcome, I'll still love you even if you hated it.


	2. Cute Sexy Kami

**Title:** Cute. Sexy. Kami.  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance  
**Characters:** Kakashi, Anko, Iruka (though unseen) (Kakashi/Iruka implied... a lot.)  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summery:** How Kakashi lost his porn and Anko learnt those 3 little words.  
**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Will return only slightly tainted.

**AN:** This is **_part two_** in a series called the Shinobi Grape Juice Series (SGJ). Each story will be a one-shot, but it helps to have read the others.

Hatake Kakashi. Born genius, ninja of one-thousand jutsu and perceived stoic was trapped. How, _how_ did this woman's conversations continually loop back around to his daily hobbies? Better yet, why?

"I am _not_ a pervert!" He hissed.

"You read _porn_!" His captive, some would call it team mate, Mitarashi Anko replied with equal affliction.

"So do you." Said 'genius' objected.

"Not," she shot back. "In public." With this Anko firmly placed a hand on either hip. No matter the awkwardness it caused in her current position, the woman had a point to make. Hatake Kakashi, was in fact, a pervert. And, according to the current Kurenai-chan update, an academy sensei molester. The grapevine was alive and growing with _that _bit of gossip.

"I like the stories," he interrupted the kunoichi's train of thought with an air of nonchalant.

Anko snorted. "You like the porn."

With a rueful smile in place, _The_ Hatake Kakashi, Icha Icha fan-boy extraordinaire, slid the length of his lean lithe form along the anterior of his co-conspirator. Anko meekly concealed the shiver she dared any heterosexual woman to fully deny and continued about her ministrations. Together they were working on a plan of escape. Kakashi was using his sharingan in order to clearly identify any possible threat that might enter the room below and Anko, suppressing all unneeded chakra so not to give away their position to a building full of ninja, worked blindly at removing four tightly sealed screws.

Chakra-less escapades just plain sucked.

Nevertheless, their mission had been a success. No need to screw it up now by getting caught.

Glaring down at his 'mission' partner, Kakashi continued. "Yeah, but the stories are good too. Not to mention people leave me alone."

The kunoichi grinned amiably, Kakashi shuddered. "People leave you alone because you're an obnoxious asshat - not because you read porn. That's just a fact of life. Also-" she was cut off by the sudden abdomen impaling her face. Words mumbled and lost.

His arms half dangling from the open air vent, Copy-Nin extraordinaire had once again saved the day. Or rather, he'd seen the grate about to fall free just as Anko released the last screw and had acted accordingly. Lurching forward and capturing the slate before anyone else could see or hear what was going on in one of the towers main offices.

Sliding once again over the kunoichi's torso, said smug bastard blatantly straddled her thighs holding out the steel grate as though he'd done nothing at all. Just another day, another mission… another body to taunt. Anko shook her head. _Kami-sama, just give me twenty minutes. Twenty minutes and I'd wipe that smug look from his… eye._ Anko shook her head again. _Bastard._

Kakashi smirked. "You were saying?"

"You're an asshat?" She openly glared.

"No," the jounin sighed. "The other half."

Still glaring, the snake-wielding shinobi snatched the grate from her 'mission' team-mate and finished her previously cut sentence. "They're afraid you'll molest them or their children."

The Copy-Nin made a somewhat annoyed noise in the back of his throat. "When have I _ever_ molested anybody?" With a grunt he added, "Missions excluded."

Before the kunoichi could answer she found a gloved hand coving her mouth. Under her silent protests, the offending jounin only shook his head and pointed beyond the gaping hole. Downward and beyond, there was a muffled shuffling of feet on carpet, a quiet murmur discerning drunken Hokage's and hysterical senbon-fixated jounin, and the ruffle of paper. Then, nothing.

Taking the silence as a blessed sign to move out, Kakashi did so accordingly. With an almost unnatural feline-like grace, he slipped from the air vent landing silently upon the floor. A few seconds later Anko followed, her legs entwining with the Copy-Nin's neck and shoulders for leverage. They were shinobi after all, and it would be very un-shinobi-like to leave a gaping hole as evidence of their escape route.

When everything was back in place both jounin silently sauntered from the Hokage Tower, Anko's silence raising more eyebrows then anything else. Happily, the Copy-Nin nodded to himself: mission complete. He frowned. Mission _almost _complete. There was still one last thing to take care of.

Detouring to the mission room, Kakashi, overly cheerful, passed on a three day late report blatantly ignoring the daggered glare being sent his way. Since it wasn't his chocolate-eyed chuunin doing the staring, he dispassionately ignored the protests and continued merrily on his way out the door. Anko never far behind.

With the end of their 'mission' in sight, the two jounin nodded in silent agreement and bamphed away leaving smoke and leaves to disperse in the wind.

--

"What about the rumor of you and a certain chuunin-sensei?" Anko continued their air vent conversation before the dust had even settled in Kakashi's apartment.

Even with one eye, the silver-haired man couldn't help but notice the way she'd ran a single finger from her left cheek, over the bridge of her nose to her right cheek. All the while grinning wildly. It was a frightening reminder of the cat that caught the canary - oh and look, it hand yummy baby birds too. He shrugged, ever the aloof.

"What rumor?"

"You know…" an unknown emotion glinted in her eyes. "That you molested none other than _The_ Umino Iruka, at the academy, in front of his students."

"Hn."

"You asshole," she gaped. "You're not even gonna try and deny it?" There was a pause before she accusingly spat, "You're proud!"

"And if I am?" Kakashi shrugged. "Besides, he _was_ asking for it."

For just a moment Anko wondered if she could get away with punching the superior jounin, even if he was the legendary Sharingan Kakashi, before he'd have her pinned down. The man had no regrets. A rumor such as that could have devastating effects on a respectable chuunin-sensei's career. Not to mention if the rumor was true, then that smug hentai had tongue-raped _her _Ruka nii-chan. The kunoichi's fists clenched. She could see it, even with only one bored steel-blue eye, she could see it. He _had_ tongue-raped her nii-chan. _Bastard._

"You molested his mouth, Hatake. In his classroom. In front of his academy students. No. He. Wasn't." The latter three words quiet and calculating.

"Practically begging."

Practically breathing fire and ice and all things deemed 'hazardous to prolonged life', Anko snarled. "If what you say is true, then I'm inclined to believe the rumors second half. You know, where upon he immediately attacked you?! How does it go? Oh right, first he threw pens, then a few rulers, then he attempted to punch you and when that didn't work, oh yeah, he threw a chair at you. A chair, Hatake. Clearly, I can see how you thought he was begging!"

"Hn." Kakashi shrugged, leaning against a kitchen bench. Like always there was an expression of indifference and his ever present Icha Icha at nose level.

Anko's jaw tightened. When had he even had _time _to pull out that illiterate abomination? "Give. Me. That. Damn. Book." She bite off each word. "We had a deal and I want them _all_."

"Fine." The Copy-Nin sighed, snapping his book shut and sauntering forward. Showing an unnoticed affection, already missing his little orange buddy, Kakashi placed it in Anko's outstretched hand before leaving to gather the rest of his collection. Moments later he returned handing over a small, heavy box. Okay, the box wasn't _that_ small. It was the entirety of the fan-boys collection after all.

Mitarashi Anko liked to think herself a strong, brave, unfearing shinobi. So the clear expression of horror twisting her features as she looked down to her newly won Icha Icha collection, should have been a sight to behold. For the Copy-Nin, it certainly was not. They were his Icha Icha, damnit.

Anko glanced up at the silver-haired jounin. "Your not going to argue?"

"…" Kakashi stared, face so devoid of emotion it would have impressed a Hyuuga.

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

Suddenly, visible eye curved into a happy 'U', Kakashi leered. "Places to go, _people to do_."

"Pervert." Anko snapped.

"Am not!" Kakashi huffed. Really, why was everyone always calling him a pervert? It wasn't as though he went around spying on the women's bath houses. He certainly didn't read his porn out loud to children. He'd never exposed himself in public - okay, never on purpose. There was that one time, with Gai. But that was totally and irrevocably the Green Beast of Konoha's own fault. Kakashi shuddered at the memory of exposed and surprisingly hairy flesh, bushy eyebrows, torn green spandex. _Just don't think about it._ His eye twitched.

Noticing the somewhat forlorn expression clouding the jounin's eye, Anko shook her head and made her next statement clearly with an air of finality. "You are, Hatake. And always will be. _Always_."

"Fine." The so called genius pouted. Maybe if someone could have seen it, there would have been that desired heart-melting, cooing, blushing reaction. But since he was still wearing his mask, the most the silver-haired lecher received was a slight look of annoyance. How was Anko to know an adorable little five-year-olds pout was hiding under that thin bit of fabric?

Curse his masks constant stoic disposition.

Pushing himself from the bench he'd again gravitated towards, Kakashi passed the purple-haired kunoichi on his way to the door. It didn't exactly matter when she left his apartment, there wasn't that much she could steal, just that she eventually did. Besides, he really did have places to go… dolphins to see. Once again the kunoichi's voice pulled him from his musings.

"Places to go, people to do?" She cocked a questioning eyebrow.

The Copy-Nin nodded.

"Who?" Her curiosity piqued.

Kakashi went with another over the top grin, and again it wasn't as if anyone could tell. Not unless they knew him well enough, which she didn't. So he let the happy crescent of his visible eye do all the emotional explaining deemed necessary.

"Maa… my favorite dolphin-sensei of course." He winked. Though technically, he could have just blinked.

"What?!" Anko cried out. Surely he'd had enough of the chuunin-sensei? One good grope and mouth molestation and he'd had his fun? _Damnit, why always the crazy ones?_

She knew Iruka could handle himself - he was shinobi, and a teacher of over thirty hellions. One did not get those credentials without some form of ninja-smarts. But it didn't mean she wouldn't protect the grown prankster either. Even if she had to protect him from lecherous, delusional, legendary Copy-Nins. Previous experience with the pony-tailed sensei's relationship preferences were not something to be ignored. The man seemed to have a kink for mentally unstable and Hatake Kakashi was nothing if not mentally… and pervertedly unstable.

The last thing any of them needed was for the chuunin to fall head-over-heel in love with his depraved stalker.

Seemingly following the inner transcript of the kunoichi's thought's, Kakashi decided to end any and all doubts. Sure, he didn't have to. His relationship with the chuunin-sensei was no ones business but his own. People just didn't seem to understand. The couple had been happily making a go of it for almost seven months. So he makes one little public slip-up and suddenly every one wants details. Surprisingly he'd found many ninja hoped the rumor was in fact not true. Something about not trusting a pervert with their adorably innocent academy sensei. _If only they knew._

_Well,_ Kakashi thought. _If she insists on causing trouble, might as well share some private details. Nothing like clearing up a situation with the bonus possibility of traumatizing._ Anything was worth a try for his dolphin.

"I didn't molest just any man in my path, you know." He grumbled.

Anko's ever raised eyebrow seemed to mock him.

The Copy-Nin tired again. "Aren't there rumors about this sort of thing? Isn't that your forte?"

"I don't dwindle on Iruka related gossip. Everyone wants a bit of sweet chuunin ass and I've known him long enough to tell no one's getting any." With that, Anko's eyes became a challenge.

She'd never believe the jounin hadn't randomly picked her Ruka from the street, or that there was more… just more. It wasn't a slight against her nii-chan, because he really was hot. And adorable. And if the shinobi vote was anything to go by, he was currently coming 4th as most desirable chuunin. She'd have to check with Tsunade-sama for updates on that one. No, it wasn't the delectability of the chuunin in question, it was more the sanity of the man standing across from her. He just wasn't 'relationship material'.

Kakashi sighed. "In the time I've known Iruka, I've found only three words to describe him. Cute, sexy and Kami. Cute when he blushes, sexy when he pouts, but _Kami_ when he's underneath and begging."

Anko's jaw hung ever so slightly open. _Underneath... and begging?_

A moment longer and the sharingan-eyed jounin added, "I'm not going to hurt him."

Then, almost as though the seriousness had never been there, Kakashi walked out humming. He was happy with how the conversation between them had turned out. He was especially happy with the lascivious image he'd implanted in his Ruka-Ru's self-appointed nee-chan's head. For a few seconds he'd thought of staying a little longer, just to gauge any more reactions the woman was bound to have. But as quickly as the thought came it soon left. After all, he really did have one hot little chuunin-dolphin to go find and senselessly molest.

Cute, sexy, kami indeed.

End.

--

I feel for Anko, really i do. That's not about to make me stop picking on her though!! She's too awesome.


	3. Hard Day

**Title:** Hard Day by Micah.n10

**Genre:** Humor/Romance

**Characters:** Anko, Genma, Raidou. Guest appearance by Ibiki (Kakashi/Iruka, Genma/Raidou)

**Rating:** T

**Status:** Series of One-Shots. The stories link together but aren't exactly in order.

**Summery:** Rumor has it, a certain chuunin-sensei was happily molested in his own class. Anko wants answers.

**Comments:** Stupid grape juice. I know how this feels, minus the ninjas of course.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Will return only slightly tainted.

* * *

Genma had had a hard day. Long, contemptuous and just plain… odd. He couldn't explain it, nothing about his day made sense, not one single event - except perhaps the occasional snort and giggle coming from the Hokage. After all, she was drunk. But ignoring that, it was still a damn hard day. Things… unexplainable things had… happened.

Reaching for what was fast becoming his fifth drink, it came as no surprise to the tokubetsu jounin that his alcoholic beverage was indeed gone. He sighed, shrugged, and with a slight slur called out to anyone willing. "Beer!"

The bartender curtly nodded.

"Two beers!" The thieving culprit called over his shoulder.

The bartender nodded again before leaving to fill their order.

"Mitarashi-san," Genma glared at the offending, thieving kunoichi.

"Not you too!" Anko whined. "I've been glared at enough for one damn day. Back off senbon-boy."

"You're the reason I'm in a mood," the honey-blond jounin growled. "Take it like a man."

"Oh, puh-lease…" the kunoichi squawked rather dramatically. "If it wasn't for you and that god-awful rumor of yours _none_ of this would have happened." Her fist hit the bar causing some of the elderly patrons to shoot disapproving glances her way. Not that they'd actually sum up the courage to say anything.

_Cowards! All of ya!_ Anko mentally barked.

Quashing an eternal sigh, Genma picked up one of the beers they'd been handed and waved it under his not-so-wanted drinking buddies nose. The woman's eyes kept squarely to the floor, obviously lost in some kind of traumatic memory. This time Genma did sigh. "You first?"

Snapping back, Anko scowled at herself and more openly at the offending… beer. _Oh beer,_ she snatched the glass from her self-imposed company's grasp, slogging down more then half its contents before continuing her scowl. "First," she rocked back on her chair. "It started with _your_ damn rumor. I can't believe you'd never, not even once, screwed up with one of _those_ damn things." She waved her hands dramatically around the needle between the jounin's lips for emphasis. "Not even once!"

Genma's eye twitched. Surely, his whole day, everything that woman had done, including this quite unwanted bonding moment had not been caused by a rumor Raidou and himself half-heartedly let slip into the Konoha grapevine? Surely not? He suppressed a groan and moved back on his seat, away from the flailing ligaments of his 'supposed' long-time friend.

"Then the hentai," Anko moaned in pure anguish. "Why, _why_ did I make a bet with that bastard?! And then of _course_ Yuuhi-kun just had to tell me about the Hatake-Umino-Academy-Molestation rumors. And I just _had_ to know!" Anko shuddered and in less then point-naught-six-seconds the remainder of her glass was emptied.

In utter dismay, she discarded the offending object by tossing it over a shoulder. There were a few unceremonious rumbles, tables and chairs shifting, and breaths catching as possible shinobi and civilians alike tried to catch the makeshift missile, followed closely by the shattering of said weapon. Really, anything became a weapon in the hands of a kunoichi, they were just that much more inventive then their male counterparts.

Again Anko's fist hit the bar. "Beer!"

The bartender nodded.

"And that bastard… Arhg! Four years, four years I've been working with that silver-haired pervert, Shiranui. And not once have I ever heard him talk more then six non-mission related words. 'Shut the hell up, I'm sleeping'. Best damn conversation we'd ever had." The now raving kunoichi paused momentarily to chug down two-thirds of her newly arrived beer.

The bartender silently feared for his hand as she'd snatched it away.

"Why?" She groaned. "And he… uhg… kami he _moves_ like an Inuzuka. He's so…" The woman flushed and made a slight noise in the back of her throat from just _remembering _the way that Hatake brat had purposely slid his body along hers during their earlier exploits. Where were the leather and chains when a woman needed them?

"Twenty minutes," Anko continued. "That's all I'd need."

Trying to figure it out, Genma vocalized. "So your problem isn't that he's a bastard, or even a hentai. It's because he left you hot and bothered? That's what this is-"

"No!" Anko's eyes flew wide, her head shaking from side to side. "Iruka…" her voice whimpered, body unable to suppress the shudder.

"Iruka?" Genma's brow arched.

"Cute… sexy… kami…" the purple-haired kunoichi growled, multiple personalities in full swing. "That's what he said - cute, sexy, kami. And Ruka-kun, gods… I tried. I really tried to get the gossiping truth, but it was like he _knew_. He just knew there were those three little somethings up here." She tapped her head mindlessly. "And he - he…" Anko swallowed, finally turning those wide eyes towards Genma's baffled ones. "He used _that_ voice, Gen-kun."

Genma shuddered. There was nothing else his childhood friend needed to explain on their little Ruka-kun's vocal abilities. He knew _that_ voice from personal experience. On some level he guess all their group of friends understood the consequences of _that _voice. Hell, he himself still had nightmares about fruit salad.

"So I - I told him! I just caved." With a desperate plea for understanding she continued, "You understand right? I mean… the voice. You know what that's like?"

Genma silently nodded.

Unnoticed by the two Umino-Revenge fearing jounin, more then half the room also nodded in agreement. This included the patron bartender, a group of celebrating ANBU team members and their Captain. There had even been a hesitant nod from a suspiciously Morino Ibiki-like figure in the taverns shadowed corner. But as previously mentioned, all this joint commiseration was missed by the senbon-lover and snake-handling jounin, too wrapped up in their own horrors.

Finally coming out of whatever prank-induced nightmare the kunoichi had once endured, she remembered their one sided conversation and continued. "But he didn't yell. I waited, and waited. Kami-sama I was like some pre-K ready to piss my pants, but there was nothing. And I mean nothing, because _he_ was there. _He_ said something and Ruka was just… putty."

With a sigh, Anko sloshed the remainder of her beer about in its glass, then washed it down much too quick to even taste. After all, she wasn't there for the fun flavors. She wanted to get wasted, smash some unlucky jounin's nose in, and maybe, just maybe get herself screwed. She wanted something to just forget… _everything_. She shuddered.

Genma shrugged, all the while tapping the bar for another beer. "Doesn't sound too bad."

The bartender nodded at the jounin's request.

"Not too bad?!" Anko asked scandalized. "Gen-kun, I've seen things. Unimaginable things, and they'll never go away!" Grimacing, she dropped her head to the bar. There was a loud thunk, but few people bothered to look up. Mumbling into the wood she continued. "He - they - oh gods Genma - I think he was seme!

"Huh?!" Genma managed. Although he'd have denied it, even under torture, his initial reaction had been a somewhat, slightly, almost unheard, but obviously-manly squeak. _Who was what?!_

"Iruka!" She wailed. "He wanted to teach _his_ Kashi-kun a few rules in privacy. I never figured him for the exhibitionist type, but I'd give up all my kuni for life if it were a lie. Damnit Shiranui, he _said_ things and _did_ things. My nii-chan!" Her head hit the bar a few more times as though that would help.

"Well," Genma took in a focused breath, trying very hard not to sway in his upright position. "You are always-"

"Teasing!" Her head shot up, a glare firmly set upon her features. "I tease him, damnit! He's my Ruka nii-chan! I don't need to see it! And I damn well don't need to _hear_ it! Gods," the kunoichi finally whimpered, pulling back from a vocal tirade that could have challenged Gai-Sensei for champion noise polluter. "The desk, he pinned him to the desk."

"Oh, Sensei!" Genma couldn't help the purr.

"Shut the hell up, senbon-sucker."

Genma's head shook from side to side in obvious amusement. "Not your best."

Anko groaned.

"So," the orally fixated jounin shifted his senbon to his left while he laid his cheek on the bar, nearly nose to nose with his mentally scarred companion. "About the Hatake-Umino-Academy-Molestation… true?"

"Yes," she awkwardly nodded.

"And the one that says Ruka-kun is dating Konoha's sexiest, somewhat porn addicted, jounin bachelor Hatake Kakashi?" He continued gathering facts.

"Yes." Anko's enthusiasm could be felt throughout the entire room. No, really, it could.

From a gruff voice somewhere behind and to the right of the pair came, "And the newest rumor - Konoha's cold and ruthless Copy-Nin, and blushing, mild-mannered academy sensei have fallen in love?"

Anko smirked. Now _there _was a rumor that had so far only been privy to ANBU ranks. After all, it wouldn't do for the world to know Hidden Leaf's number one killing tool actually had a heart. Anko's smirk softened to a smile. She knew none of it mattered. Not her horror, or the worlds opinion on either men - nothing else mattered because her Ruka nii-chan had fallen in love. It just happened to help that her Ruka nii-chan took shit from no body.

Kakashi was in for one hell-of-a ride.

Like the proud sister she was, Anko called over her shoulder. "Yes, Ibiki-_kun_. Rumor verified."

To her surprise, everyone in the tavern cheered. There was even a muffled, 'about damn time' which sounded oddly like Tsunade.

* * *

Almost an hour later and Namiashi Raidou entered a suspiciously subdued tavern in search of his partner. Once the Leaf patrons had seen who had entered their little home-away-from-home, the murmuring conversations picked right back up. There was a lot of Hatake and Umino's dropped into far too many conversations. Made a man wonder what he'd missed.

Sidling up behind his barstool-balancing boyfriend, Raidou snaked an arm around warm, well defined hips and nuzzled the nape of Genma's neck. Momentarily, Genma leaned back into the embrace, before finishing beer number eleven. Hey, after the day he'd had, alcohol poisoning sounded like a swell vacation.

It seemed like everyone had sorted out there woes during Anko's tirade except himself. And damn that woman but once again she had come in all whirlwind and fury, whined, gossiped, drank and picked up leaving him alone to wallow in the days oddness - not to mention the extra tab. Previous Hatake-Umino fact-finding goodness not included. He was happy for the couple, really, he loved Iruka like a little brother too. But damnit, why couldn't _that _bit of warm and tingly news have been the beginning and end of his day? Why not that instead of the mind-spasming events which had taken place?

"Bad day?" Raidou whispered into his lovers ear, noticing the tense shoulders. Genma sighed. Taking this as his que to get comfortable, the scarred jounin commandeered a neighboring stool and tapped the bar gently. "Beer!"

The bartender smiled and nodded in reply.

Raidou leaned into his boyfriend for a chaste kiss which soon became anything but. His tongue danced in synchronicity, a free hand coming up to capture honey-blond locks, firmly pulling the man in closer. When they finally pulled apart, the lack of oxygen becoming a dangerous factor, Raidou frowned.

"You're tongue's swollen," he commented.

The senbon twitched between his lover's lips before he finally nodded.

Raidou sipped his beer. "Spill."

Unintelligibly the tokubetsu jounin mumbled something about crazy kunoichi, fan boy hentai's and Ping-Pong balls. Looking into the confusion written all over the scarred mans face, Genma shrugged. "Hard day."

* * *

And there I went and completed another one – amazing! Actually, I kinda like this one. Anko in full swing multiple-personality mode. Good times.

Reviews always welcome. You know I love yous!


	4. A Lesson In Misdirection

**Title:** A Lesson In Misdirection by Micah.n10

**Genre:** Humor/Romance

**Characters:** Iruka, Kakashi and many more (Kakashi/Iruka and others implied)

**Rating:** T

**Status:** Series of One-Shots. The stories link together but aren't exactly in order.

**Summery:** Rumor has it a certain chuunin-sensei was happily molested in his own class. Anko wants answers.

**Comments:** It's come to my attention that I forgot to add a warning for this story. So... this fic is Yaoi, Shounen-ai and in case that hasn't explained it, man-love. Sweet, sweet, golden skin, opaque chest, chocolate eyes and silver haired man-love. All sorted? Great. On with the men...

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Will return only slightly tainted.

* * *

"Isn't there anyone else you can annoy?" Iruka deadpanned. He took a sip from his 'worlds greatest sensei' mug. Mmm caffeine goodness.

"Possibly," his stalker shrugged.

Hunching his shoulders and leaning further over the cluttered desk, red pen in hand, he continued grading. Another sip.

"So…" he ventured a glance.

"So…?" The silver-haired shinobi drawled.

"Why don't you go… annoy them." He ground out.

"But you're cuter," the nin whined.

Taking in a deep, long, should-be-calming-but-really-really-wasn't breath, the teacher set his pen down. "I am not cute."

Unawares of the impending danger radiating towards his person, the silver-haired stalker leered. "No? Well how about attractive, stimulating, intense, delectable…?"

A hand shot into the air. Iruka-sensei gave his best 'if you say what I think you're going to say, I will kill you dead' glare. "Yes?"

"He has a point." The older student mischievously tilted the senbon between his lips, saying exactly what the chuunin had expected.

"Shiranui-san,"

"No, it's true." A scarred nin nodded in agreement with his boyfriend. "You're very hot."

Beside the now blushing chuunin-sensei, the smug Hatake's eye curved into a very happy 'U'. "See."

"Please, everyone…" Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to hid the embarrassed blush.

"Come on sensei," Yuuhi Kurenai twirled a finger through her long locks, much like a school-girl. Red eyes evaluating. "You can't seriously be that naive? Just about every shinobi in Leaf-"

"Wants a piece of sweet chuunin ass." Kakashi cut in echoing a previous conversation he'd had.

The entire class nodded.

"Gods…" Iruka whispered.

"No." Izumo, hiding in the back row, shook his head. "Umino."

Said Umino whimpered. He knew helping the chuunin and jounin community brush up on their basics would come back to haunt him. Why did they even have regulation brush-up classes? It wasn't as if anyone needed them. Well perhaps Raidou, but surely he'd learnt his 'explosive tags explode' lesson in Grass Country? No one could possibly burn three-fifths of their body with a stupid genin mistake and _not_ learn from it, right? They were high ranking chuunin and jounin, they didn't need an Academy sensei to tell them dying was _bad_. Couldn't he have this time for more productive things… like hiding in a deep, dark, hole somewhere? Away from crazy jounin and prying chuunin. Well, couldn't he?

"…with the back of his throat."

Iruka's head shot up. "Shut the hell up, Genma!" he all but yelped.

"I know what you mean." Came a voice far too close. That damn sharingan bastard had perched himself on the corner of the sensei's desk. "There's this little trick he does, but you have to be-"

"No!" The mild-mannered teacher maliciously launched the nearest object at the emphatic bastard. "Shut up, shut the hell up! What's wrong with you people? You're here to _learn_, not discuss the in's and out's of _my_ personal life!"

"In's and out's, ne sensei?" A voice suspiciously similar to Kotetsus' questioned.

"Work." Iruka glared down his class. "You have a twenty-thousand worded report to hand in before Ibiki-sama lets anyone pass. And I will be grading _all_ of them _before_ they're filed. Remember who your assessors are. Grammar counts people. If I'm unsatisfied, there will be a re-write. No one gets payed work until this course is complete." Pulling Shizune's assessment from the top of his files, Iruka finished. "Have I made myself clear?"

There was a unanimous 'yes sensei' before they returned to the curriculum at hand.

The sensei's grin morphed into a glare. This threat had no hold against the great Copy-Nin of Konoha. He'd completed his course the month before, albeit, without actually attending any classes. 'Lost on the path of life' translated to something like: slept in, visited memorial stone, read porn, ate lunch, molested boyfriend, read porn, won challenge with Gai, read more porn. At least he'd actually handed in a report - a legible report to great surprise. Something about despicable dolphins and sleeping on the couch.

Closing the gap between himself and his flustered boyfriend, the bastard argued. "But I like that thing you do with the back of your throat."

"KAKASHI!"

The entire chuunin-jounin student body started. Indeed they were all high-ranking Leaf shinobi whom had long ago learnt to quell their startled reactions, but Iruka-sensei was scary, damnit. Almost unconscious of the movement, Genma shuffled his desk and chair closer to Raidou. His thoughts were somewhat hoping 'safety in numbers'. Catching on to the senbon loving ninja's thought's, Kurenai inched herself closer to Asuma. In a welcoming response, he nodded.

"But sensei…" Kakashi whined.

"Does he want to die?" Both Raidou and Genma turned in their seats to face Nara Shikamaru. Equally surprised by the boys reaction, they stared, mouths slightly ajar - Genma's senbon hanging precariously in the balance. Noticing little more then the disbanded Team Seven's sensei's soon-to-be demise, the shadow user lent back once again. His eyes closing over. "Tch. Too troublesome."

The pair turned back in time to catch their 'sensei' stalk around his desk and stand tall before the jounin. He held up an accusing finger. "Listen you pervert…"

"Why does everyone keep saying that? I am _not_ a pervert!" The proud owner of every Icha Icha volume complained. Sliding from the desk, Kakashi planted himself mere inches from the enraged and blushing chuunin. _Meh._ He thought with a mental shrug. _Waste not want not._ He leered.

"Liar!" Erupted an entire ninja classroom, with one exception. That of course being the dozing Nara clan member.

"Alright, enough!" The sensei spun around on his class, hands on hips. Mustering every bit of menace he could for the known and feared 'Teacher's Voice', he boomed. "If I can't keep you interested for even one simple lesson on exploding tags, perhaps we should move onto the next lesson. Please, everyone pull out the scroll Hokage-sama provided and it's accompanying book. We'll be continuing with subtly disarming ones enemies - the breaking of ninja barriers."

Turning back to his interfering boyfriend, the chuunin-sensei's brow arched. "How about a demonstration?"

Now, from a purely academic view point one had to wonder. If the legendary Copy-Nin of Konoha had been thinking with anything other then his smaller and less intelligent head, would he have noticed the rather dubious glint in his lovers eyes? If he'd been thinking with more then the downward spiral of blood, would he have noticed the startling cherry-blush stemmed across his dolphins cheeks that had not been provoked by some lecherous comment or behavior?

Yes, indeed it was agreed upon, that had Hatake Kakashi actually been thinking at all, he would have suspected something awry. But clearly for the jounin in question, when it came to his amatory chuunin, all higher cell functioning took an open vacation. Really, the poor man had no chance.

"Kakashi," Iruka's hand sat gently against the vest of his lover. "Koi." He paused. "I need to finish this class before the genin teams arrive. Maybe…" he paused again, taking the necessary step to hold his body flush against the silver-haired shinobi's. "Maybe you could come back… after?"

The teacher shot a quick glance over his shoulder checking his classes observation skills. With what he was about to do, they'd better be watching.

Kakashi swallowed.

Gently smiling into the single eye of the man he was fast falling for, Iruka looped both arms around the taller shoulders and began a gentle sway. One slow step at a time, he continued the motion. Kakashi's body moved on auto pilot. Every small nudging step his lover took, the sharingan wielder would step back allowing room for another. The chuunin's lips brushed against his covered ones, a small sigh curling heatedly along his mask.

Positioning his body so the jounin's face was hidden, Iruka slid both hands along firm uniform covered shoulders. Slowly he lead his way along the others collarbone, throat, chin, cheeks and finished by tracing fine silvered eyebrows before carefully hooking a few digits into the black material and pulling down.

Chastely he kissed those soft moist lips. "I'd really, really like it if you could come back to me at the end of all these classes, Kashi-koi." He kissed the nin a little more forcefully. "If you'd just restrain a little, then maybe… after we could… we…" the chuunin's voice went from the barely audible whisper his students could still understand to something a little lower, a little more sultry and much more private.

No one heard what made the Copy-Nin's eye widen, or what made him nod so carefully as though he feared the movement to cause this sure illusion to break. They didn't hear, but still they watched in awe.

Iruka pulled back from the man's ear and nipped at the soft bottom lip encouragingly. He pressed a little closer, grinning and deepening the kiss that followed. Together, one slow step forward, one unnoticed step back, they came to a stop. The chuunin-sensei felt it when his lovers legs bumped into something solid. As a distraction, he tugged his lover impossibly close turning the kiss from something long and loving to a thing of teeth and tongue, lips and bruising.

His class, for all the world appeared as though caught in a genjutsu. If it wasn't for the lightly snoring Nara somewhere mid-center, the enchantment would have been believable. Either way, they all continued to watch in silence as their 'sensei' gently and sensually maneuvered the sharingan user into place.

Iruka slid himself between Kakashi's legs, forcing the man to sit on the waist-high surface behind them. With one hand keeping himself steady against the jounin's chest, the other ran up and along a strong jaw line before reaching for his favorite vice - those silky, gravity-defying locks. He felt pale slender fingers loosening his hair-band and moaned one last time before the couple mutually pulled apart gasping for air. A string of saliva dipped between them.

Eyes ablaze, the chuunin gently removed his entangled hand using it to slid the black mask back into place. Settling his palm against the solid vest of his jounin lover, Iruka patted the material lightly. Silently panting, he lent forward nipping the now covered jaw before him, waiting for those slender fingers to release their hold.

Compliantly, Kakashi removed his limbs, lightly tracing circles on the younger mans flushed cheeks. Iruka's head tilted ever so slightly as he lent forward for one last chaste cloth-covered kiss. When his face moved back to the jounin's peripheral, there was a smug smile. Kakashi got a single brow raised before Iruka pushed.

The last thing anyone saw was a wide eye and strangled yelp. Then Hatake Kakashi, legend of Konoha, genius, disappeared from the open window. A loud clunk soon following some meters below.

The academy window slammed shut.

Turning back to the stunned, almost scandalized mob of chuunin and jounin students, Iruka blatantly ignored the burning blush along the bridge of his nose in favor of grinning like a mad man. He strode to the blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk and wrote 'page 103' in large, unmistakable kanji.

"Disarming your opponent is always a priority. A shinobi's life dictates that sometimes there will be no weapons. You're mind, your body, will be all the tool you need. Calculate your opponent carefully, and never show weakness. We do what must be done to fight, to live, to carry on with our mission." Triumphantly the chuunin added, "And occasionally, to teach."

Quite suddenly the classroom was filled with pen scratches and ruffled paper. Every high-ranking ninja working furiously to finish their report and get the hell out. Iruka-sensei wasn't just scary, he was alarmingly resourceful and had, unblinkingly, just outmaneuvered Konoha's greatest weapon.

Amongst the flurry of paperwork, sat one Iruka-sensei-graduate gently smiling while feigning sleep. It didn't take a genius to work out what one man was made of. Especially when that one man had taught a Nara, Akimichi, Hyuuga, Inuzuka, Uchiha and Uzumaki all in the same class, for an entire year. He'd earned the right to be just a little ambiguous.

The chuunin-sensei continued grinning, a lesson well taught.

"Tch. Troublesome."

* * *

-Jumps up and down- Okay, I'll admit. I forwent dinner to finish this one. I mean really... i just HAD to push that smug ass out a window :D He totally deserved it.

Reviews are always welcome. And there's Cookies and Tea for all that do!


	5. What Once Was Rumor, Becomes Legend

**Title:** What Once Was Rumor, Becomes Legend  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance  
**Characters:** Kakashi, Iruka, Kiba and Hinata  
**Rating:** T  
**Summery:** Iruka makes a list of things to avoid and this is damn well getting added to it. (kakairu, yaoi)

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

**AN: **I am SO sorry for this taking so long! The next one is written and will be up in a week. As a lameass bonus, this is almost like two stories in one. Kind of. Please don't hurt me!

--

"But it's not fair…" Iruka complained watching the splay of Kakashi's fingers between his own. They were languidly curled together on his apartment floor. The radio filling ever room with a gentle tune. "You just don't understand," he pouted.

Kakashi, long pale legs tangled beneath muscled tan ones, mask discarded listlessly somewhere about the room, silently hooked an index finger around the chuunins and pulled their hands closer, kissing the others knuckles as a silent apology.

Iruka sighed.

"That's not going to work Kakashi-_kun_," he snuggled into the shoulder turn makeshift pillow of his lover and continued slightly muffled. "Do you know why?"

The pillow snorted, his breath ghosting over Iruka's skin causing an involuntary shiver. Kakashi didn't know per se, but he'd heard the mounting rumors. Wisely he chose to stay quiet, shaking his head in the negative.

"Kiba." Iruka deadpanned. "Inuzuka Kiba and… I can't believe I'm even saying this, but, Hyuuga Hinata."

Kakashi's entwining fingers stilled. We'll he hadn't expected _that_.

"Mmhmm," Iruka continued, using Kakashi's lack of attention to his advantage. A flick of the wrist and the jounin's fingers were officially trapped between his again. "My very EX students thought it would be 'fun' to follow a rumor. _That_ rumor Kakashi," he pinched the mans pinkie. "Your rumor."

--x--o--x--o--x--

Inuzuka Kiba was staring at him. Inuzuka Kiba _and_ Hyuuga Hinata were staring at him. At least Iruka thought it was him. He turned ever so slightly to check his surroundings. No one else was in the aisle, not even a store employee. Well then, it was definite. Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata were each staring at him. One all teeth and predatory, the other wide-eyed and nervous. Surprisingly, both had him feeling a little intimidated.

Using subtlety best fit for an academy student and not a ninja of chuunin status, Iruka held two fingers to his wrist and counted. According to his pulse he was indeed feeling intimidated. Intimidated, panicked, curious, weary and a multitude of other emotions that sought to pool together and churn in the pit of his stomach.

Again with ninja subtlety, Iruka glanced about for any telltale signs of an impending prank. There was nothing. At least nothing seemed out of place. He'd been at the convenience store in the exact same spot yesterday and it all looked about the same. More or less.

His gaze fell back on the watching pair, minutes having already passed, and found himself suppressing a shudder. Grudgingly, Iruka had to admit that it wasn't Kiba with his I'm-about-to-gobble-you-up grin that set his nerves on edge, oh no, it was the usually shy, blushing, stuttering Hinata that had his stomach in knots.

Indeed she was blushing, stuttering and clinging to the Inuzuka's coat like a life preserve, but she was still there. Still watching with those entirely too expressive white orbs.

Alarmingly, Iruka had the distinct feeling that they were waiting.

--x--o--x--o--x--

"Why were they waiting?" Kakashi interrupted, dragging his thumb nail along Iruka's inner palm.

"I'm not sure," Iruka shivered like he had so many other times at Kakashi's touch. "A signal of some sort I guess. I hadn't even said anything at that point."

"Acting too creepy for your sensibilities sensei?"

Iruka grinned into the warmth of his living pillow and brought up his free hand, introducing another five fingers to their battle. Kakashi followed suit, tangling all 20 digits together. A war of marble and sand the jounin mused before curling three fingers, flicking a forth and-

Iruka squawked.

--x--o--x--o--x--

Much too unstealthy for Iruka's chastising inner sensei, Hinata poked Kiba in the ribs. The shaggy haired brunette frowned, mumbled something in return, then smoothed his features out in angelic perfection. The chuunins eyes widened. Damn it but those little brats were up to something. Oh yes, Hyuuga Hinata had finally graduated from charmingly-shy to devil-child. Iruka felt like getting her a trophy. Kurenai would be so proud.

"Ohayo Iruka-sensei!" Kiba, it seemed, had been practicing his Good Guy Pose.

Swallowing the rapidly filling pit of despair, which as it happened tasted like so much bile, Iruka weakly smiled. "Ohayo Kiba-kun, Hinata-kun."

He waved, using those oft mentioned ninja skills to 'accidentally almost' drop his shopping basket, therefore reminding the staring two-thirds of Team Eight that he, Umino Iruka, was in fact doing things. Important food gathering things which would lead to other food-like things once his gathering was done. Thus, he had absolutely no time for whatever bullsh- prank they were about to pull.

Sadly, most of his actions went over the genins heads. Kiba shifted his focus momentarily, as though just realizing they were inside a convenience store, and gave a silent 'huh'. Hinata merely kept quiet throughout the entire exchange, blushing, clinging and watching.

Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose. He didn't have time for games, for this… whatever this was. _Stuff_. He inwardly groaned. He'd been trying to avoid 'stuff' all damn day and this was fast reminding him of why he'd been avoiding 'stuff' to a degree of blessed ignorance. In point of fact, he was adding this to his list of 'stuff'.

Other things he'd been avoiding (ignoring) included a multitude of jounin who saw fit to wink at him every time they passed. Chuunin who blew him kisses and civilians who would hastily change their conversational topic while he was near, only to start back up as soon as he was out of ear shot. It would help if he actually were out of ear shot he supposed, but he wasn't.

So now 'stuff' also included snippets of conversations, and the odd stray word he'd pick up from random villagers. Shinobi, civilian, even the occasional summons.

"I wouldn't mind doing work if I got a little yaoi show going on…"

"Window…!"

"… upended turtle…"

"… amazing tactic."

"There's your demonstration right there."

"Go sensei!"

"… not enough cunning… brilliant…"

"… trouble the moment… to his class… undignified…"

Yes. Kiba and Hinata were definitely going on his list of 'stuff'. And in adding them, Iruka did the only thing there was to do. He pointed feebly at the confectionery aisle, smiled and tried not to whimper.

"I'll just be going now. It was good to see you both, say hello to Kurenai-sensei for me and Shino-kun of course…" he rambled, sidestepping until out of view. With a pitiful sigh Iruka continued shopping. _Might as well get Kakashi a mint slice while I__'__m here__…_

--x--o--x--o--x--

"You bought me chocolate?" Kakashi locked all of Iruka's fingers between his own, effectively ending their game. "Where?" He turned his head taking in an upside-down view of the kitchen table and bench. "I don't see it Ru…"

"You won't," Iruka rolled his eyes. "I said I _went_ to get you a mint slice, I never said I got it."

Kakashi refrained from pouting, just. It was a close call. He'd had to remind himself he was ninja and ninja did not pout. Unless it got them sex. Then he'd pout, pout, pout. Even throwing in the occasional wibble. Iruka was slave to the wibble.

"…I was interrupted." Iruka continued, oblivious to the jounin's chocolaty inner turmoil.

On the verge of brooding, Kakashi wondered who he'd have to kill for such an affront.

Finally noticing the waves of chocolate induced killing intent rolling from his scarecrow, Iruka did the only thing a good boyfriend could do. He untangled one of his fingers and used it to flick Kakashi's equal.

Desserts forgotten, the war of digits continued. Crisis averted.

--x--o--x--o--x--

Confectionery, it seemed, now came with an all new ingredient - chakra. Iruka weighed the bar, turned it over, read the label and decided while the henge was well done, Kiba had to work on his chakra cloaking. He had the luminosity of a neon elephant.

"Kiba-kun," he growled.

The henge stayed silent like any well-behaved mint slice would.

"Kiba," Iruka repeated, hints of his Teacher Voice seeping through.

The slice quivered slightly.

Iruka groaned. Why his ex-student had henged into a confectionery bar he did not know. He didn't want to know. What he wanted, was for it to stop. So with an influx to his own chakra Iruka dispelled the boys henge and unceremoniously dropped him on his ass.

Kiba landed with a silent 'oof' and moaned. Before either of them could blink, Hinata was back by his side, helping him up. Though heartened by the display of affection, Iruka crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at the two radiating menace. He'd had quite enough of 'stuff' for one damn day. To his credit, the Inuzuka boy did not flinch. He merely rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly before straightening up completely. Hinata stood slightly behind him.

After a long pregnant silence had settled in, Kiba cleared his throat. Iruka's brow inched even higher, and if possible, with its apparent lack of patrons, the store became even quieter.

"Yes, Kiba-kun?" Iruka grit. There was nothing more he'd have liked right at that moment than to be at home making dinner, marking homework or having a nice hot bath with a certain jounin. He sighed, continuing none too polite. "What do you want?"

In hindsight, the chuunin realized he'd asked possibly the worst question out there.

Kiba's canines gleamed in the false light, his eyes twinkling with glee. Rising himself to full height while gripping the Hyuuga's hand, he took a quick survey of their surroundings and indeed the store was now crowded, voyeurs at the ready. With a wink, the boy and half the stores occupants chortled.

"Sweet Chuunin Ass!"

--x--o--x--o--x--

A roar of laughter filled the room.

Iruka pouted. It wasn't _that_ funny. To prove his point, he poked Kakashi between the ribs causing him to jerk. While the retaliation served it's purpose, it didn't quite stop the gleeful overtone of the mans voice.

"Your ass has become legend!" He squeezed said sweetness.

"Yes…" Iruka growled. "I wouldn't mind so much if it was just the chuunin and jounin having their fun, but these are my students. Ex-students," he waved off the coming argument. Some things they'd just agreed to disagree on. "I couldn't… I didn't…"

--x--o--x--o--x--

Wide eyed and horrified, the chuunin found himself idly wonder who was blushing brighter, himself or Hinata. He looked at the two genin, then at a group of huddled off-duty shinobi who'd shared the sentiment.

"I… I…"

Devoid of words, or thought, Iruka carried his half packed basket to the counter and paid the cautiously waiting employee. As he stumbled down the single step and into the waiting street he realized many things he wished he hadn't. They'd all been staring, all day, at him, thinking the same incorrigible thoughts.

In a daze Iruka continued towards his home, feet automatically leading the way. It was his own damn fault. Well partially his own fault. If only he'd reined in his temper, if only he hadn't raised to the bait, if only he hadn't tried to teach a room full of ninja not to disrupt his class…

--x--o--x--o--x--

"If only you had kept the hell out of my classroom!" Iruka finally hissed, pinching his lovers hand. "None of-"

"Owie!" Kakashi's whine interrupted the chuunin.

"…baby."

"Kiss it better?" The big, bad, feared Copy-Ninja of Konoha held his bruised boo-boo before his lovers lips pleadingly. Iruka snorted, but complied nonetheless, giving the hand a quick peck. Kakashi pouted.

"You," Iruka poked the man beside him, _again_, and ignored the pout. "Started all of this."

Rolling onto his stomach and crawling higher, he perched himself above that one intensely gazing eye and bit his bottom lip. He let it quiver ever so slightly before backing the action up with fuelled doe-eyes. Wide, teary, never-ending pools of chocolate.

"Ruuuuuka," Kakashi whined again, cursing the Doe-eye no Jutsu.

Iruka released the hold he had on his lip, only for it to wibble. He blinked back tears and let out a shaky breath.

"Kiss it better?" The chuunin pointed to himself.

Wibble, wibble.

Kakashi groaned, uncertain if it was in protest or desire before tugging his dolphin closer, their lips crushing together. He felt Iruka smiled into the kiss and chose to ignore it. He didn't want to know what it meant when all his lover had to do was look at him and he became jounin putty.

His own defense had been used against him. Wibble and all.

Working his hand down Kakashi's body, Iruka decided that this was a much better way to ignore 'stuff'.

End.

--

Villager quotes taken from reviews of a lesson in misdirection: drmsr, demondreams, ofuda, deathjunke, wingslapped, darkkaomi, rantyrie.


	6. Kakashi's

**Title:** Kakashi's  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance**  
Characters:** Kakashi, Iruka, and more  
**Rating:** T  
**Summery:** It was HIS piece of chuunin ass. (kakairu, yaoi)**  
Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

**AN:** This is **_part six_** in a series called the Shinobi Grape Juice Series (SGJ). Each story will be a one-shot, but it helps to have read the others.

--

All the will power in the world couldn't hide Umino Iruka's blush as he limped towards his desk. He was tired, he was sore, he was grumpy and he smelt like strawberries. Strawberries, and chocolate, and… No! he was NOT going to think about it. He was going to quietly, and unflinchingly, sit behind the mission rooms desk. He was going to hand out mission scrolls. He was going to review mission reports. He was…

Iruka paused.

Over forty pairs of eyes were focused in his direction. He turned, glancing behind just in case there was some _other_ chuunin with a renowned jounin lover who'd been caught making out in the academy, more then once.

Nope. Just him.

Damn.

He sighed.

As expected they were all doing their look 'underneath the underneath' thing. Taking in each facial twitch, each flinch and twinge his body struggled though. He flushed brighter. Couldn't they just leave him the hell alone? So what? He had a healthy, happy, sexual appetite. He'd done things, in places, and been caught - but who hadn't? It was _normal_.

They were supposed to be ninja, not gossip mongers.

Feeling another painful jab to his tailbone, Iruka sat behind the desk, closed his eyes and took a much needed deep breath. Then another. He could do this. Honestly. A week or so more and no one would remember. They'd be old news. The past. History. Finitio. Everything that would mean forty less sets of eyes staring expectantly.

He groaned. _Not again_. It was bad enough with two people, but now he had a _roomful_?

Rolling out the knots in his shoulders, Iruka tried to keep focused. He could do this. He pulled a pen and piece of parchment from his satchel. See, he WAS doing it. Calm, organised, focused. He waved a hand for the next ninja to step forward.

They all stared, motionless.

With a frown, he lent forward. Winced and then asked, "Who was next?"

No one answered.

Iruka glowered. Surely this couldn't be good for his mental stability? A quick scan of the room confirmed his suspicions. Genma, Raidou, Kurenai, Asuma, Izumo, Kotesu, Shizume, Tsume, Aoba… even the Hokage her self. Everyone, and then some, from THAT class.

Ignoring the urge to rub his scar and give them all a pop-quiz, he grit his teeth. "What do you _want_?"

He noted, fleetingly, it was like watching some sort of sinister choir. Every ninja, disregarding rank and status, took a lung full of air then chortled, "Sweet Chuunin Ass!"

He balked, eyes widening as his Hokage grinned, then winked. Why, why him? Please someone, why him? His head hit the desk with a resounding thump.

It was then, to the chuunin a surprise, when he breathed in a lungful of smoke. Two firm biceps snaking their way around his shoulders protectively.

In the midst of leaves and vapour and surprised glances, he heard Kakashi hiss, "Mine!" before they bamphed away.


	7. Intermission

**Title:** Intermission  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance**  
Characters:** Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto  
**Rating:** T+ (or PG 13)  
**Summery:** All things considered, it could have gone a lot worse. (kakairu, yaoi)**  
Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** Contains some language (references to body parts) XD

**AN: **This is **_part seven _**in a series called the Shinobi Grape Juice Series (SGJ). Each story will be a one-shot, but it helps to have read the others.

--

Iruka stood, hands on hips, the vain in his forehead throbbing. "Naruto," he growled, not for the first nor last time. "Is this _really_ how you want to spend your first, and _only_, day back after eight months away?"

Behind and slightly to Iruka's left, Kakashi stood vigorously nodding. He completely and unbiasedly agreed with the irate chuunin. He took a step to his right, a distant eye upon their younger charge.

Naruto's teeth clenched, his fingers jerkily thrusting a kunai forward and in the jounin's direction. "I don't care…"

Kakashi stilled.

"I'm gonna cut his balls off!"

Swallowing and using all his ANBU training to resist the urge to cover himself protectively, Kakashi took another step to the right.

"Language!" Iruka squawked.

The jounin turned, a somewhat bland look upon his face. His very sensitive dangly bits were at stake and Iruka was worried about proper etiquette? Could he not prioritise a little better?

"Senseiiii," the boy whined. "Kiba-kun TOLD me what that pervert-bastard did to you, so why are you DEFENDING him!?" His eyes locked on to Kakashi's. "I know what you did Kaka-sensei, you old-man pervert, and after I take your balls I'm gonna feed 'em to you! Now stop hiding behind Iruka-sensei and face me!"

"Aa…" Kakashi took yet another step to his right, not so subtly moving closer to his chuunin. "No."

Iruka groaned. Why, for just one damn day, couldn't the damn ninja of this damn village shut their damn mouths!? Was that too damn much to damn well ask? Yes, according to the damn shuriken flying toward his damn boyfriend's nether regions, it was. Damn, damn, damn!

He dropped to his knee in a slight spin, each hand deftly snatching 3 weapons mid-flight. He flung them back at frightening speed, managing to embed them in his target before the bushin disappeared with an audible 'pop'.

"I would REALLY appreciate it if you and your bushin reframed from damaging MY property, Naruto." Iruka climbed to his feet, dusting grass from his knees.

"Ne, ne, Iruka-sensei! I swear I wasn't!" Naruto argued. "I was only trying to remove that hentai-bastards testicles!" As an after thought he quickly added, "Which he totally deserves!"

Iruka managed to simultaneously growl and roll his eyes. The latter directed toward his lover as he took yet another step, effectively hiding his jounin ass behind a chuunin for protection. He decided to address the problem at hand and laugh at his oh-so-fearsome ninja boyfriend later.

"My boyfriend, my property. Stop trying to damage him."

"You're WHAT!?" the boys jaw dropped. "Kaka-sensei, you've corrupted him!"

Against better judgement, Kakashi lent over his lovers shoulder and grinned lecherously. Then, he winked.

Naruto lunged towards his jounin-sensei, kunai at the ready. He was taking that soon to be ball-less bastard down! Eight months and he'd gotten to Iruka-sensei. Oh how he should have stayed! How he should have asked Sakura-chan to watch over the impressionable chuunin! How he should have spayed that damn pervert the first time he'd caught him making eyes --well eye-- at his Iruka-sensei! How he really should have been paying attention-

"Uzumaki Naruto, put that kunai away NOW!" Iruka gripped the genins wrist, spun him in the opposite direction and cuffed him upside the head.

"Itai Iruka-sensei! That hurt!" Naruto whined.

"Good." Iruka continued nudging the boy AWAY from all things Kakashi. "Maybe it'll knock some sense into you."

Of course, privately, Iruka would admit to liking all Kakashi's dangly bits. They were fun to lick and tease and fondle, and besides, he really liked his current sex life. As apposed to his previous lack thereof. He couldn't, in good conscience, let anything or anyone jeopardise that now could he?

"But sensei…"

"No." Iruka stopped once there was a safe distance between both his precious people. He folded his arms and glared. "Now Naruto, tell me exactly what Kiba-kun said."

Imitating his favourite sensei, Naruto crossed his own arms and squared his jaw resolutely. He'd make Iruka-sensei understand what people were saying, and WHY he had to neuter that buck-toothed Cyclopes. "Kiba-kun said that he heard Kurenai-sensei talking to Asuma-sensei, who got it from Raidou-san, who was discussing it with Genma-san after Anko-chan told everyone that that bastard attacked you!"

Iruka blinked. "Naruto, please… less names and more event."

"What do you MEAN more event? At the academy!"

Kakashi, still a safe distance away --though slightly closer so he could hear-- scratched the back of his head and glanced to the left. He would have inconspicuously whistled, if it had been less conspicuous.

Again Iruka blinked. "Which time?"

"Which time!?" Naruto threw his hands up. "What do you MEAN which time!? How many times has that BASTARD attacked you sensei!?"

"Aa…" Iruka had the sudden urge to join Kakashi with his inconspicuous conspicuous whistling.

"WELL!?"

--

Somewhere miles away from the training grounds in the Hokage Tower, Tsunade looked up from her paperwork and sniggered. She'd been wondering if that brat would find out about those pair before he and Jiraiya left the following day.

Sakura, shifting to another medical textbook, sighed. Really, did Naruto always have to be so loud?

--

"…and your dick in a PICKLE JAR!" Naruto continued his tirade.

"… Naruto…" Iruka rubbed at his scar impatiently. Kakashi shuffle up to his lover, hand giving the chuunin's shoulder a supportive squeeze. "Look, Kakashi-sensei and I… we're…"

Naruto ignored the academy sensei's stumbling words and pulled out a weapons scroll.

Iruka's eye twitched. "Oh for Kami's sake…" he muttered. "I thought I told you to LEAVE my boyfriend ALONE, Naruto. Put that scroll away, NOW!"

"And what the HELL does that mean anyway!? BOYFRIEND?" The scroll began to unravel.

"It means," Kakashi mused drolly, standing once again safely behind his chuunin. "What it's meant to mean."

He was now close enough to feel Iruka's body heat mingle with his own, but not so close as to risk bumping him. If things really did become serious, he could still move easily and take the orange bundle down with one well placed hit. It would certainly protect his jewels, his ego, and his honour all in one go.

"But _boyfriend_?" Naruto wailed. "Iruka-sensei he's a pervert!"

"I'm aware of that Naruto," Iruka sighed.

"Way to defend my honour," Kakashi deadpanned.

In response, Iruka rolled his eyes, again. "That was your inner monolog Kakashi-kun, not mine."

If it wasn't for the mask, Kakashi was sure his mouth would have been freely gaping. Was the man a mind reader?

"Yes," Iruka smirked.

Kakashi scowled. "I hate it when you do that."

Iruka shook his head, shifting himself enough to hook an arm around the sulking jounin's waist. "You're too easy."

"Hey…" Naruto growled, scroll momentarily forgotten. "Still here."

"So you are," Kakashi grinned. Both his arms moved up and around his lover, effectively trapping the man in place. In a somewhat less cheery voice he finished, "Shoo."

"Kakashi," Iruka swatted the jounin's shoulder before wriggling and twisting enough to turn and face the blond boy again. Kakashi, none too happily, allowed the movement.

With their back-to-chest position he gripped a little tighter, his chin resting atop of Iruka's head. He grinned beneath the mask and thrust forward.

Iruka's eyes widened, his nails digging into Kakashi's forearm.

Naruto glared, the actions of his jounin-sensei hidden from view. "Explain. Now."

Iruka really wished he could. He wished he could do a lot of things that didn't include full and total concentration on the slowly gyrating hips behind him. He swallowed, mouth slightly dry, and tried to focus on anything but Kakashi's… _oh kami._ He gripped a little tighter and pressed his heel down, HARD, on Kakashi's instep.

Abruptly the jounin's motions stopped. Iruka, feigning innocents, smiled disarmingly amidst the older mans harsh intake of breath. Slowly the smile faded into something more genuine, and apologetic, as he tried his best to answer Naruto's questions.

"First, you need to know Kakashi-sensei and I care for each other very much." Kakashi squeezed Iruka a little tighter, and Iruka spared a glance before continuing. "And second, we are both sincerely sorry you had to find out this way. That wasn't our intention at all, in fact, Kakashi-sensei and I had agree to keep our relationship quiet, at least until you came back. We wanted you to be the first to know."

Naruto nodded, his eyes shifting from chuunin to jounin then back to chuunin again. He tucked away the weapons scroll but kept out the kunai. "How long?"

Iruka glanced over his shoulder, "Uh, seven…?" Kakashi nodded. "About seven months."

"Seven months!?" The blonds grip on his kunai shifted, the sun ominously glinting across the tip. "I've only been gone for eight - what the hell happened!?"

Kakashi's one visible eye arched happily, if a little lecherous, while Iruka quickly glanced to the side, coughed and fought hopelessly against his rising blush. "You don't need to know," he finally answered.

Naruto spluttered. "Iruka-sensei can't you see!? He's corrupting you!"

"Oh… no, no, no." Kakashi gleefully shook his head. "It was 'Ruka wh-" he gasped, an elbow to the sternum effectively shutting him up.

"Naruto," Iruka pleaded.

Naruto's gaze shifted between them again.

He gaped.

"I can't believe it! When Kiba-kun said all the other ninja knew I refused to listen, you know? Anko-chan said she hadn't believed it either. But then he said she said that she went to the academy and when Shika-kun saw her she had a funny look on her face and was walking really fast. But that could have been anything right, right? Well then he said you were teaching this class Iruka-sensei and ALL the adults were there, and Kaka-bastard-sensei wouldn't stop annoying you, which sounded like something he'd do. And I said that was probably it, but then he said that all the chuunin and jounin saw you…"

Kakashi lent forward, nuzzling the back of Iruka's neck with his nose. "How long do you think this'll last?"

"I don't know." Iruka shifted, resting his head against Kakashi's shoulder. "A while I guess. A lot has happened, and the other boys have most likely told him everything they know. Or suspect."

There was a pause before Kakashi moved to Iruka's ear, nipping it lightly through the mask. "Think he'd mind if we left?"

"Kakashi," Iruka scolded. His head bumped against the mans cheek for emphasis. "We can't just leave him - he's angry as it is."

"Right, angry." Kakashi agreed. "So he won't notice…" he dipped slender fingers beneath the younger sensei's waistband.

Iruka shivered, his hand capturing the jounin's disappearing wrist. "No, we can't-"

"On the count of three," Kakashi ignored his protests. He removed his fingers from Iruka's pants and wrapped both arms firmly around the mans waist. "You make the bushin, and I'll teleport us. One… two…"

"… ping-pong balls, which Kiba-kun said…"

Alas, it was an hour before Naruto noticed his sensei had gone and replaced themselves with bushin. On the bright side, the bushin completely agreed with him. Kakashi-sensei was a perverted bastard and Iruka-sensei had become corrupted. Neither, however, divulged it was actually Iruka who'd propositioned Kakashi and not the other way around. Nor the fact he'd been fairly corrupted before the jounin came along.

--

**NOTES:**

To answer the questions which I know are coming - NO, Naruto doesn't care his sensei are dating. It's more the 'rumors' he's heard that have him threatening scrotum dismemberment. He thinks Kakashi is corrupting his obviously pure, innocent and virginal Iruka-sensei. rolls eyes Riiiight.

Yes, this IS the 2yr gap. I brought Naruto home for a quick visit.

If anything doesn't make sense… read the story before this, and the one before that, and so forth. It IS a one-shot _series_.

No lemons. It's a G/PG rated series.

Next chappie, Don't mess with the sensei's students. He doesn't like it. At. All.


	8. Bought Loyalty

**Title:** Bought Loyalty  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance**  
Characters:** Iruka, Academy, Anko  
**Rating:** T  
**Summery:** It was all fun and games until they involved the knee biters. (kakairu, yaoi)**  
Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** I got bored and threw in some clichéd Japanese terms XD

**AN: **This is **_part eight _**in a series called the Shinobi Grape Juice Series (SGJ). Each story will be a one-shot, but it helps to have read the others. HUGE thanks to kakairupowns who beta'd this for me! hugs

--

Iruka was… uncertain. He had been teaching his class of little hellions for well over half a day and they were, well, they were… learning. They were attentive. In fact, they were so attentive that the hour he'd allotted to teach Kawarimi no Jutsu ended up being extended. They were now into their third hour, which meant their revision of Henge no Jutsu would take place after lunch, and their discussion on the basics of Konbi Henge no Jutsu would have to be put off until tomorrow.

He'd never had so many children ask so many questions. It was almost suspicious.

This new interest in their lecture was pleasing, at first, but now it seemed they were asking for the sake of asking. He'd heard his name called so often there was some serious consideration going into changing it. Sometimes, four or five hands would go up at the same time. The children he turned to were full of smiles, blushes and occasional panicked eyes. It was like, now that they had his attention they actually needed to think of a question. Like, the questions weren't their main objective.

Iruka placed the pointer on his desk, having just given a lengthy lecture on correct hand seals, and immediately three students were flagging him down.

"Iruka-sensei!" "Sensei?" "Please, Iruka-sensei?"

His brow twitched. It would need to be a good name, the one he chose. Nothing about sea cows and oceans.

"Yes, Keiko-chan?" Iruka walked over to the young girl.

"I - uh…" Keiko nervously glanced at her friend, unsure of what to ask.

"Could you show us the actual signs again Iruka-sensei?" her friend intoned. "We want to make sure we've got it right."

Iruka nodded, running fingers tiredly over the bridge of his nose as he moved back to the front of his class. "I want you all to pay attention," he held his hands out, ready to form the first seal without enforcing any of the necessary chakra. "If after this demonstration there are still those of you who need help, please come see me after class."

He knew the words sounded almost harsh, but, this was the thirteenth time he'd given a demonstration. No child could be that dense, surely. Iruka tried not to grimace as he remember Naruto's days at the academy and went through the signs again. Fourteen.

Eight little hands shot into the air.

Okay, now he knew something was up. There was just no way they were all this interested, or this stupid. No previous life could have been bad enough to land him with thirty Naruto's in his current one. Not only that, but the lunch bell had chimed ten minutes ago and still no one had complained.

"Sensei, sensei!" "Iruka-sensei?" "Iruuukaaa-seeenseiii!?"

"Alright!" Iruka held up a hand. "How about you all tell me what it is you really want, hm?"

"Sweet Chuunin Ass!" His class ruptured into a fit of giggles.

"N-nani!?" Iruka stumbled back, only stopping when his thighs hit his desk. "W-who told you to say that?" He asked, trying very carefully not to scare anyone as the pulse in his forehead began to throb. No, he would not throttle his students. He would find the person responsible and - and – oh, someone was about to die! Iruka took a deep breath, plastering the most trusting, warm smile he could fathom across his face.

"Class," he made eye contact with every child before continuing. "I need to know where you heard those words, and more so, who told you to say them?"

The entire room fell silent, atmosphere suddenly palpable. That look, that I'm-a-friendly-chuunin-sensei-don't-be-scared look, was certainly not a soothing look. Every student knew that look, it was somewhere between the one-hundred-years-of-pop-quizzes look and the ungodly homework-until-you-die, look. It was scary as hell and they would not speak! Kami forbid it turned into the I'm-about-to-call-your-parents look. There was a collective shudder.

Iruka moved between the first two rows of desks, and turned to the child on his right. "Rai-chan, please, who told you to repeat those words?"

Rai's eyes widened. "A-a…" she stuttered.

Kneeling while placing a gentle hand upon her shoulder, Iruka finally gave a genuinely warm smile. "Take a breath Rai-chan." he soothed. "It's okay, you're not in trouble. But I would very much like to know."

Rai nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. "A group of j-jounin, I-Iruka-sensei."

"They gave us ramen vouchers!" Keiko quickly added.

"Yeah, Ichiraku!" A boy up the back punched the air.

Iruka stood. So, his classes loyalty had been bought with a few Ichiraku vouchers? That, was rather disappointing actually. Surely his humiliation was worth more then a few lousy meals? Okay, deliciously ramen-y meals, but still.

"Alright," he smiled broadly. "Class is dismissed for the day. Go home, practice what you've learnt so far and I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning!"

Within seconds the room was empty. No questions asked.

Iruka slumped over his desk, the metal of his hitai-ate faintly clinking each time he pounded his head against the worn surface. Oh how he was going to kill those jounin. He sat up. First he'd have to find the right ones. That wouldn't be too hard, they'd been on academy property – no way his whole class had been gotten to individually – which meant one of the other teachers would probably know. No one, friend or foe, made it onto school grounds without at least one of the teachers knowing.

Of course that meant entering a room full of shinobi whom had no inclinations about teasing him; who'd heard everything to pass the grapevine; who'd probably put some of it there. So, how to ask without specifying why?

--

Iruka stepped into the teachers lounge, ears immediately assaulted by various 'good-afternoon Iruka-sensei's'. He really wanted to change his name.

"Ohayo Shizumi-sensei," he politely bowed before taking a seat beside the shy teacher. "A-"

"Ano sa?" She interrupted, blushing when she realized she'd done so. "Gomen, Iruka-sensei."

He waved it off. "It's alright, what were you going to ask?"

Shizumi's blush turned a pretty shade of fuchsia. "Ano," she paused, nervously scratching behind her ear. "I - I heard th-this rumour…"

Iruka's face fell flat. "So ka?"

"H-hai," she nodded. A long curl was quickly being wound around her index finger, loosened, and then re-wound. She anxiously glanced at another of the academy's teachers, Hideaki-sensei, whom was grinning in a very predatory way. "T-they say you're Konohagakure's n-number one p-piece of sw-sweet ch-"

A resounding 'thunk' could be heard by all as Iruka's hitai-ate began repeatedly pounding against the tables surface. "No more…" he mumbled. "Please, please no more."

Hideaki placed a firm hand on Shizumi's shoulder while grinning. "He's so surprised he almost passed out! You're bound to win that bet."

"Someone say bet?" Anko strode into the teachers lounge as though she owned it. "Ah! Ruka-kun, just the chuunin I wanted to see."

Iruka whimpered. He would change his name, dye his hair, use genjutsu to cover the scar and switch villages. He liked the sun and he was sure it wouldn't take too long before becoming accustomed to the feel of sand in every orifice. Maybe the new Kazekage would take pity on him? He could even pack Kakashi in an overnight bag - the man was flexible enough.

"Konoha to Ruka!?"

Iruka blinked dumbly at the waving kunoichi, his mind somewhere between sandy butt cheeks and a very bendy Kakashi.

"You in there?" Anko sat on the table, legs freely swinging. She lent down till their noses almost touched. "Oi!"

"Uh…" Iruka lent back slightly.

Anko growled. "Sweet Chuunin Ass!"

"Anko!" Iruka jumped from his seat. "Don't say that!"

"Huh, so it's true." The kunoichi smirked. She plopped a rice ball in her mouth and moaned. "Mmnh… mif ef gooh!"

"Anko…" Iruka carefully sat back down, noting the frown on Shizumi's face as she searched for what presumably used to be her lunch.

"So," Anko lazily lent back, eyeing the chuunin down the bridge of her nose. "I hear everyone's been appreciating your derrière." Iruka sunk lower in his seat. "Sorry," she grinned. "My fault. I said something like that to uke-boy, never realized it'd be so catchy. Think I could get royalties? Anyhow, there's this bet running that says whoever wins gets two-weeks paid vacation and a week at the hot-springs, free. I want that vacation Ruka-kun."

Iruka glared. A bet would explain some of the weeks happenings. "Continue…"

"It goes like this - whoever gets the best reaction wins. The deadline is next Thursday and so far Gai-kun is in the lead. I still can't believe he did it…"

"Me. Either." Iruka grit out. He really, really, did not want to remember Gai's so very loud proclamation on just how perky and youthful his manly orbs were. Something – well everything – about that speech had been just… wrong. Besides, 'orb' was NOT the word he'd use to associate with someone's behind.

"… what I was thinking," Anko continued. "We get together somewhere a little more public, a little more crowded. I'll say something, with your approval of course, and you overreact. Come on Ruka, help a girl out? I could probably get Ibiki involved to make it seem more legit-"

"Iruka-sensei, sweet ass!" One of the older academy students hollered through the open staffroom door.

"That is IT!" Iruka latched onto Anko's wrist, dragging her from the room with little to no heed as she yelp. "This ends now, Anko-chan." He growled halfway down the academy hall, forcing the kunoichi through the egress and down the steps.

"I was fine when everyone found out, fine when the rumors started, fine with the occasional teaser - I was even fine when the whole sweet chuunin ordeal began. But this…" he pointed a dramatic finger back towards the academy building. "This is my WORK. The students here are supposed to respect me, NOT joke about my backside! These children are - are here to LEARN, not be used as some dumbass jounin's betting pawn!"

"Ruka…" Anko kept as much distance between herself and the rabid chuunin as her captured wrist would allow.

"No," Iruka hissed. "Just, no. When they involved my students, they crossed a line. You," he pushed her toward the village streets. "Tonight, my place. Bring Genma. It's about time the shinobi of Konoha remember who, exactly, they're messing with."

Anko stumbled slightly as she was jerked once more, then set free. She hadn't seen Iruka so worked up in years, but, they'd involved his students. She figured someone had it coming. Running off to find Genma in time for the night's 'meeting', she felt a shiver go down her spine. This was going to be one helluva prank.

--TBC--

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Check out my CRACK side-story to Shinobi Grape Juice. Wherein Iruka doesn't get mad... but understanding XD  
www. fanfiction .net /s/4394521/8/100KakaIruThemes (copy and past into addressbar. Don't forget to remove the spaces)

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I'd like to send out a HUGE thank you to everyone on LJ, DA, FF and AFF who read reviewed my story. Comments make it so much easier to see what works and what doesn't. So thank you all and keep them coming!!


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